Small..."Medium"...or Large?

Trip Start Sep 20, 2007
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Trip End May 16, 2008


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Flag of Canada  , British Columbia,
Monday, April 28, 2008

Narrow...Psychic...or Visionary?
 
Last night I watched this TV show called Medium. It's been on TV for a couple of years but this was the first time I watched it. The premise of the show is that the principal character can see the past, present and future in her dreams and visions.  
 
Since I needed a title to my entry this tie-in seemed to fit. There's also a link to different ways of thinking.
 
The Past:
 
I mentioned I would go back and talk about what happened when I had my stopover in Calgary. I was there for three and a half weeks. The first two weeks I was extremely exhausted as my mind was, sub-consciously, having a fight between the ego and the soul. Nick came home for the Easter weekend. We all went (Nick was back in Kingston) to the Rascal Flats concert and sat in three different corners of the arena. Let me explain. Katrine had a ticket that she had purchased with friends as soon as they had announced the concert. They had "box" seats. Then I bought my ticket after seeing them in Vegas. Then Louise decided to get some tickets and bring Alexis since she had done so well in school. We all went together, then dispersed to the corners of the arena. I was sitting much higher in the stands this time. It gave me a different perspective on the show. I won't say whether the show was better or worse than the Vegas show, it was just...different!
 
The week after Easter was Alexis' spring break. One day I took her and a friend skiing at Lake Louise. I had to try out my new skis, though Nick had already used them. I was apprehensive about actually going skiing as I was still quite tired all the time. On the first run up the chairlift Alexis dropped a pole. I ended up walking up the hill on one of the steepest inclines to retrieve it. It wasn't a good way to conserve energy for a guy with fibromyalgia. After a few runs we stopped at a chalet to rest and we sat next to someone I recognized, but wasn't sure from where. Then we figured out we took the same bus in the morning to get downtown when I was working. By 2 PM I was exhausted and had to go in and did some reading while the girls continued skiing.
 
The third Sunday back I went to WKC for church. The pastor was Chris. As he joined the Church after I left on my Journey I had only heard him speak the previous, Easter, Sunday. A few entries back I talked about Jeremy being an amazing public speaker. Chris is just as good, but in his own way. His sermon was just what I needed. That day I decided to continue my Journey. I, more or less, instantly felt a lifting of the heavy weight that had been dragging me down the prior two weeks after I made that decision. The sub-conscious fight between the ego and the soul subsided as the right decision was now made. I also seemed to know what I had to do.
 
That day I decided to leave in one week, on Monday. Then Alexis mentioned that her dance class was doing a presentation on that week's Wednesday. So I then decided to leave on the Thursday. I then sent an email to the long term disability insurance claims manager to find out the status of my claim after I declined to return to work last fall as they indicated I should for them to pay me benefits. I also sent an email to my Manager to indicate I would like to come in and discuss a "potential" return to work. Over the next few days I made appointments for a massage, to see my physician, and to see my psychologist. My physician was on holiday this week so I couldn't see him until the following Wednesday. My psychologist was quite busy but ended up with a cancellation for the following Wednesday. I met Molly, my massage therapist on Friday. She's another of my Angels as she seems to be following the same path that I am. I knew from some of her emails that she had had computer problems and couldn't access my blog for a while then things happened in her life where she didn't have the time to read it anymore. So I said I would print her a copy of it to read. That afternoon I delivered her a copy of it...all two hundred and some pages of it.
 
I didn't hear back from the insurance company manager until the following Monday where she indicated that they had closed my file as I hadn't returned to work as they had specified. My Manager had been away the previous week and on Monday replied to say we could meet either Tuesday or Thursday. I replied that Tuesday would work.   I woke up numerous times during that night and was getting extremely anxious about the meeting. I felt that I had to have this meeting but I still had no idea behind the purpose of it. Finally morning came and as I lay in bed getting extremely anxious I felt that I know knew the purpose of the meeting. A calm engulfed me.
 
I went to that meeting with this weird sense of elation and met my Manager, the other department Manager, as well as my direct report case manager. I explained about my Journey and that I was leaving in a few days to visit my sister, that I might be coming back to work, that the time wasn't right to say that I would for sure, I told them about my writing and photography, that I was basically putting all the information "out there". My "direct report" manager indicated that I didn't sound like an accountant. The general consensus seemed to be that my "new way of thinking" wouldn't fit within the constraints of a "bureaucratic" office job. I left it with them that I would contact my department Manager in a month or so to advise them whether I was planning on returning and that they had to decide if they wanted me back. I was completely honest in my assessment of my physical limitations at the current time. After two and a half years of battling my condition, I was still, based on how I felt during the three weeks since I had returned home, not ready to return. So how was it that I might be able to return in a month or two?
 
The next morning I went  to see my psychologist, Carol. I hadn't seen her in over 2 years, since the time I went back to work the first time after my accident. She had no idea that I had had relapses and was now off work. She asked why I had come to talk to her. I said I didn't know. I still hadn't figured it out. I could update her on what had happened since we had last met. And so that is what I did. And then something came out which, I believe, explains the purpose of my having to come and see her. My allocated time passed and we continued chatting. Twenty minutes later Carol checked the waiting room and the client after me still hadn't arrived. My additional chatting  hadn't impinged on someone else having to wait.
 
My physician's  appointment was to get prescriptions for the massage and psychologist for insurance purposes and a letter for my employer stating there should be no reason I cannot return to work. I had found out during my Journey that my condition is not work related. I had symptoms and relapses even after   I had been on my Journey for a while.
 
I've already noted what happened the following days after leaving Calgary.
 
The Present:
 
I've been working on my website and on the book version of my blog. The website is going slow as I've been delaying in writing the stuff I should be writing on certain pages. I've copied all my blog entries into a word document and am slowly formatting the entries as Chapters  and a more readable, hopefully, layout. It looks like the actual book will be over 350 pages and I will be self publishing it through lulu.com.
 
As previously noted I've been getting out on my bike. I've done over one hundred kilometres the seven times I've been out. There are numerous hills on every ride, some quite steep. The body seems to have an amazing memory of how it was when it was healthy. I feel quite energized after these rides. I haven't been feeling as tired on my "recovery" days as I had expected. I've changed my diet (a bit), using the information I've gathered since the condition started. On my last ride I met two female RCMP Officers on bikes. They were stopped on the path and so I stopped and chatted a bit. One of the officers said I had a nice bike. Can someone explain why an on-duty RCMP Officer would say that?
 
The day before this bike ride I had gone to an Arthritis Society information session on fibromyalgia. The guest speaker was Dr. Teresa Clarke. She's written a manual that she calls a 12 week fibromyalgia recovery program. She does workshops on the program in her home town of Langley, BC. I chatted with numerous people who have been diagnosed with fibromyalgia and even some who have all the symptoms but have physicians who do not believe in  this diagnosis and say its "all in their head". I found the information session quite interesting. I did learn some new stuff in Eastern health treatments that can assist the Western health system techniques. I had driven to this session early, had lunch in downtown Nanaimo and walked around to check things out. During this walk I had crossed the "town square" where they had something happening during the lunch hour. I had noticed at that time two female RCMP Officers getting on their bikes. Were they the same two I met the following day?
 
Yesterday, Murielle gave me a tour of part of the Island north of Nanaimo. Because of that you have some pictures to look at. I know I should be touring more of the Island since I'm here. Hopefully soon. We stopped in Qualicum Beach for lunch and then drove to Coombs to see the "Goats on the Roof" market. Coombs has a business section that has numerous stores with local artist wares on display and I found numerous inspirational stores as well. The goats were not on the roof of the market today. Maybe one day I'll return and take some pictures of that.
 
The next stop on the tour was Cathedral Grove. There we found a stand of Douglas fir trees that are over 800 years old and the largest of these is 76 metres tall and 3 metres wide. The final stop was the Englishman River waterfalls.
 
The Future:
 
I'm no Medium, nor Psychic and so I have no idea what the future has in store for me. I have been reading Wayne Dyer's, "Change your Thoughts-Change Your Life". In the book he expands on the 81 verses of the Tao Te Ching. I've read the first 30 verses. I am slowly trying to put into practice something that was written 2500 years ago and has been interpreted, lived, expanded on, re-written, talked about, fought about, argued about, and ignored. So why am I trying to put what it says into practice? If I was a Medium or a Psychic I might be able to give you an answer. At this time all I try and do is live one day at a time and try to not plan or decide on the future. The information I require to make the decisions I need to make will come to me when the time is right. Every day, I see this happening more and more.
 
The End:
 
Finally, what does Small...Medium and Large have to do with different ways of thinking? We might automatically assume that one is better than the other. Large is better than small because you have more. Or small is better than large if it's something you don't want. Maybe medium is better than either small   or large. When we think of ways of thinking and say someone is small, or narrow, minded we usually think in negative terms. We could call a visionary someone who is "large" minded as they have "grand" ideas. One of the definition of "Medium" is psychic. They are all different ways of "thinking". Neither one I think is good or bad. They are all just...different!
 
Now why did I have to meet with my bosses and my psychologist? I've written on numerous occasions about going backwards. I've written a blog entry backwards. I've talked about Rascal Flats' song called "Backwards". We'll that's what I figured out the morning before my meeting with my Managers. During my Journey I experienced and exorcised numerous "demons", namely my anxieties, by talking about and reliving events that happened in my past. The light bulb came on that indicated I had to exorcise the events that happened at the time of my accident 2 and a half years ago if I was going to "cure" myself of my fibromyalgia. I also realized what lead up to all that happened that time. Certain events have happened in my life where I haven't listened to my "soul" and did what others believed I should do. Actually, that's not quite right. It's not that I did what others said I should do, it's more that I didn't listen to what my 'heart" said was the right thing to do. You usually cannot go back and undo certain things that you've done, but by acknowledging it in some way, you can undo the damage that it did to your soul. That's what I think the purpose of those two meetings were for.
 
We can all get away with not listening to our heart, or soul, for a long time without any apparent damage to our physical well being but I believe at some point in time the soul will say enough. That's what happened to me.
 
Think It! Feel It! Live It!
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Comments

mpambrun
mpambrun on

Moving forward
It sounds like you are moving forward, although I'm not exactly sure where you are going. Be careful how you use the law of attraction, you know what they say 'be careful what you ask for...'!

An off-duty RCMP officer will say 'nice bike' because she probably is a bike person and noticed... they are human too, you know ;-)

Good luck, keep moving forward, one day you'll see that you got somewhere and probably dragged all the rest of us with you!

Monique

cobra1899
cobra1899 on

Actually, I think, I'm moving backwards!
Thanks for the comments M. I had been thinking that I hadn't heard from you in a while and that I should email you.

The Tao Te Ching says that we must return to our source , which Lao-Tze calls the Tao. I've been calling the source, What? Is! Our soul knows the path. Our ego is like the people who don't want to ask for, or listen for, directions as they think they know better.

All we have to remember is that I'm documenting my Journey. Everybody reading has to see their own signs in what I am writing and whatever other sources they feel is right for them. Or maybe what I am writing is only a diversion or something 'interesting' to read to most of you.

Seeing 2 young female RCMP Officers on bikes 2 days in a row and having one state that I have a nice bike doesn't have to mean anything. She wasn't the first person to tell me I have a nice bike and she probably won't be the last. I expect people to comment on my truck because it is 'unusual'. I ride a 'plain' red mountain bike. I'm just reporting what happened, just like the half naked women in Vegas.

The thing with posting rhetorical questions is that sometimes people think you want an answer. But how do you post/write a rhetorical question and have it come out that way without specifically stating it's a rhetorical question?

A writer's dilemma.

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