India - don't you just love it!
Trip Start
Nov 26, 2004
1
11
13
Trip End
Feb 02, 2005
Varanassi, India
Monday, January 17, 2005
Well I am now in the arse end of nowhere somewhere near Varanassi (when
I
say near I mean 14 hours on a train) but have had a great few days.
Travelling with the Aussies has been a laugh and everyone we meet says
'Oh,
Ricky Pontis - great player' and 'you from ENGLAND - Michael Vaughan Ha
Ha
Ha' (Clearly I missed the joke) but (and you will be shocked at this) I
have
been getting OK at cricket! OK, so the locals bowl more slowly for the
western women and I was out for a duck on the first ball today but at
least
I was caught out and hit the thing as opposed to being bowled out!
I have also been going for some great bike rides in the Indian
countryside
(best way to get away from the stench in the cities but we will get
onto
that later). And Chris - I am just as unstable as I was when we used to
ride
in the Plantation with Simon Brady! Damn good fun though and managed
about
15KM today.
I have some queries about this country though (answers on an email and
all
that):
1) Why is it a sin to touch the taxi meter (bad manners apparantly) but
OK
to fart, burp and (my personal favourite) grotch up sputum as loudly as
possible before aiming it in the direction of the nearest westerner?
2) What is with the Indian head roll (kinda like a figure of 8) that
means
yes, no maybe and probably - how does one tell the correct meaning?
3) Why does a bus journey that takes 2 hours have a 1 hour break in the
middle?
4) Why is it a disgrace for women to smoke cigarettes but elegant to
smoke
joints?
5) How come the general concensus about the newspaper headlines about
husbands killing their unfaithful wives it that it is OK but Krishna is
the
most revered god for having 1601 girlfriends?
6) Why is it a terrible thing for women to show bare shoulders but it
is OK
for women and men to take a dump on the street?
I have to say I am slightly confused but this place - for example the
Hindu
religion has some 330 million gods and godesses - around 5 each for
everyone
in the UK. I am also pretty tired of inhaling faeces and urine
particles
constantly and of having the following conversation (as anyone who has
been
here will understand) - put on Indian accent:
'Hello madam, what is your good name (why are all names good)?'
'Verrrrreeee good madam. What country you from?'
'Ah, Queen Elizabeth, Tony Blair and Michael Vaughan (there he is
again)'
'What age you are madam?'
'Are you married?'
'What? 26, no married? Verrrrreeeee bad madam.'
'You come my shop. I give you good price. Looking is free madam.'
Yeh - like I am really going to buy anything from someone whio has just
accused me of being left on the shelf. Also, there are these holy guys
here
called SAdhus who often go naked (although again, for anyone else to
show a
thigh is blasphemous - clearly you have to be devout to be pornographic
here) who regularly cover themselves in human ash from the cremations
in
Varanassi (and I have all this to look forward to - nice). I have now
learnt
the Hindi for sod off (OK so it is ruder than that but appreciate my
parents
are reading this people), which comes in very handy for the beggars
(sounds
harsh but they really are irritating - and anyone if you give them as
much
as Rs 1 you end up with a trail of 20 following you as I found out in
Bhopal
train station much to Oz's amusement). I have also learnt the Hindi for
'I
am gay' which again can come in useful as well as the usual '1-10,
hello,
goodbye, stop ripping me off you tight Hindi bastard' and a couple of
others. As you can see I am fitting right in.
The Aussies are great and I am even teaching them correct ENGLISH
pronounciation and they are coming along nicely. We have a 20 minute
lesson
every day (sorry ange, Dan and Trace but it had to be done). In return
they
are teaching me to spell and to shout at the locals (they have been
laughing
at me for speaking quietly (Dad and Am you may have had a point) and
being
far too polite by saying excuse me all the time).
Anyway guys - yet again to those of you who have emailed recently and
yet
again 'gits' to those of you who haven't (for all you know I could be
miserably homesick).
