Chapter 32: Danger Will Robinson!
Trip Start
Mar 11, 2006
1
33
36
Trip End
Feb 09, 2007
Hirosaki, Japan
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
I would like to quickly recount to you, our trip to Tokyo. I will have to update when I get home, to put in more details, but it was a really cool trip. I FINALLY bought my own camera and it is BEAUTIFUL.
The bus trip home was SOO funny. It was up there with the eight most horrible experiences of my life, the seven otheres being the other times I took the bus to or from Tokyo. All these weird things were floating around in my head because I was in some long-travel-induced oblivion. I imagined that they were making an add for the bus to Tokyo. This is what it turned into:
Presenter- The Panda Express. A cheap, fast and comfortable way to travel. With the Panda Express, one simply glides...you will be in Tokyo before you know it. Here on the phone we have Bob, Bob travelled with the Panda Express just last week. Bob, what are your thoughts?
Bob: Well, Bill, you have obviously never been on the damn bus, with an intro like that. Where did you pull that from?
Bill: (Looking uncomfortable, looks around for help,) I...well....(signals to cut the phone frantically)
Bob: (Reading the pamphlet over the phone) "It's not just a bus, its an experience" (snorts) Got that right. What kind of a corporation actually expects people to go through such a horrible experience and actually PAY for it?? I was mislead. Do you know I actually developed a rash on....*Phone cuts off*
Bill: Right well, (coughs) cant win em' all. Next we have Judith Schnackerhousen, who hopefully had a pleasant trip. Judith, how are you this evening.
Judith: Hi there Bill. I just want to thank Panda Express for their wonderful service.
Bill: (Looking pleased.) Righto. Would you like to tell us why?
Judith: My late husband travelled on your bus last week and he passed away yesterday.
Bill: (Looking horrified) Good grief! Why are you happy about that?
Judith: I will get his life insurance and never have to work again. Wouldnt you be?
Bill: (Bewildered) But....why....
Judith: Barney said that bus ride caused a slipped disc in his back. He couldnt walk all week. Then yesterday while he was on the loo he haemorrhaged and his brain....well it exploded.
Bill: (Pale and staring off screen) Right, well, Judith...good for you...
*Phone cuts off*
Bill: (clears his throat) Well next we have a letter from....oh...Barney Schnackerhousen, I'll just put that...here...(chucks under the desk) Erm, Fred Gray, director of the Society for the Deaf, blind, mute and generally unable to move or think for themselves peaple. *Dear Panda Express. I am writing to express my sincere gratitude for your wonderful service. Our patients travel with your company frequently when commuting to Tokyo for treatment, usually for brain damage. Not only does your service provide excellent and comfortable travel for our current patients (they have never given any complaints) but also every year we begin treating new patients who have travelled via Panda express and as a result have lost their ability to hear, speak, move, or think for themselves. Thanks for keeping us in business. Fred.*
Bill: Well at least that ended on a good note. Lets give a round of applause for Panda Express! (Pre recorded applause, recorded in the next room which is doing a documentary entitled: *Strange and unusual rashes. Where do they come from?* ) See you next time, If I dont know travel, I dont know anything.
Hahahahaha.
