Shelia's Diary's Part 2

Trip Start Jul 20, 2007
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Trip End Ongoing


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Flag of Australia  ,
Sunday, June 22, 2008

With big Shelia at the back, 2 fat dogs in the middle, and the penguin up front our 5-a-side east coast team was nearly complete. To look the part we raided the charity shop for illumines vests and daft head-pieces. I still can't manage to get any photos on line so to help you visualize what we look like imagine the rejects from a Chucklebrothers audition. When we picked the final member of a team, James the Pigeon, from the airport, we were that worried about hanging around and being arrested for looking suspicious we completely missed his arrival.

With the Pigeon on board it what a huge relief to leave Cairns for a second time. Every time we went to a bar I felt like we had gatecrashed a school disco mixed by DJ Otzi. Worse was to follow, as this school disco has been on tour in every subsequent bar we have been to on Mission Beach, Magnetic Island and Arlie Beach. To give you an idea of what its like to drink in one of these places I will insert various lines you hear over the crackling speakers from the incompetent DJ and MC throughout the blog. I am getting old or do I have taste? You decide.

Fully attired we sat on the floor of a miniature Toys R Us plane and rose to 5,000feet. "Blow my whistle bitch." "This is the height we open the parachute" my tandem instructor explained. Shit. We rose through the clouds until we leveled off at 14,000feet. To prevent myself from "pretty green eyes" soiling my pants I recited my favourite Alan Partridge lines whenever I was told to do anything. The red light lit up and I was told to "Put your goggles on." "Back of the net" was my reply. Amber indicated shuffle forward to the exit door. "Cashback." Green light. "What do you think about the pedestrianization of Norwich ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, shitttttttttttt, aaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh City Centre Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh." As you can imagine, jumping out of a plane and free falling at 120mph is pretty insane. The G force caused every flap of my skin to wobble in the wind and I think I screamed that much my instructor gave me a cheeky slap. I was so pumped on adrenaline when we landed at 9am all I wanted to know was where the after party was.

One great thing about Australia is how sociable all the people are. I can't decide if its in built or its something to do with "everyone get on your knees and pretend to be a cock, we're going to have a cockfight" the hours and hours of sunshine they get. Its uplifting. One thing that has started to annoy me is the bombardment of messages trying to dictate where you spend your tourist dollar. You constantly hear and read about the most magnificent spectacular incredible unbelievable sumptuous amazing places to go, so your always disappointed when you arrive and "the vengabus is coming" the truth doesn't mirror the tourist propaganda. The main tourist places just don't live up to the hype. Others, like Hydeaway bay, continue the dream image of Australia for us. Deserted beach, BBQ, beer and a big fire at your campsite every night.

Why England is great # 3 - English food

After sampling various cuisines over the past 11 months there is no doubt that English food is not the best in the world. Japanese and Korean is far healthier, South East Asian has a far greater variety of flavour, Australian beef is incomparable. "Girls get on stage we're having the hourly wet t-shirt competition." However, if you think about single meals nothing comes to close to some of England's finest. Cornish Pasty, Sunday Dinner with Yorkshire pudding cooked by your Mum, bubble and squeak. Can you name a greater hangover food than a full English breakfast? Toad in the hole followed by bread and butter pudding. Proper chips from the chippy that are all soggy and covered in vinegar. Have you ever had one of those meals and not been full? Meat Pie, sausage roll, come on England I can't wait to get home and sample your delights once more!
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