Trip Start Jul 20, 2007
43Trip End Ongoing
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Okay, so I made the last bit up, we were actually in a renovated operating room, but the scenario is not that far fetched because Hong Kong is so incredibly crowded
If Christmas Eve was a day of celebration, Christmas day was just like any other in Hong Kong. Everyone went to work, public transport ran as normal, and we were one of the daily thousands making our way back across the border into China. We met up with fellow FatDog Alice and spent the next 2days with her family getting pampered in a health spa and getting thoroughly well fed. Chinese Christmas dinner wasn't turkey but a strange selection of other poultry including chicken feet, duck feet, goose and cold chicken. It was delicious but it was never going to beat your own mothers cooking. Alice's family gave us Chinese names for the day. I can't remember mine but Kerry literally translated as Gar-lay, which in Cantonese means Curry.
The border between China and Hong Kong is a strange place - not least because Hong Kong is officially part of China which makes the whole concept of a border crossing between the two places farcical
Anyone who has been to Asia will understand what a scary place such shopping centers are - just walking past a shop somehow gives off a vibe which the shop assistant interprets as 'this man wants to spend 50quid on a fake Gucci bag, I must man handle him and shout loudly in his ear in order to seal the deal.' This place was by far the worst I have ever experienced and I had to use new tactics to scare off the shopkeepers. When they shouted "mister, you want bag, maybe watch", I replied with "sorry I only buy fake goods," and when they offered videos I would ask for something completely obscure like "have you got that pirate DVD of Sven Goran Erikson and Ulrika Johnson, you know, the one where they handcuff each other to the bed." However, I was speechless when an overweight 40year old women with a Kevin Keegan perm, smoking a fag, and with make up applied by a pneumatic drill, offered me a massage.
Between Boxing day and New Years Eve we did what every normal English person does - virtually nothing
So to New Years Eve. To say Alice was a complete and utter disappointment is an understatement. At 11:30 she was sick everywhere, nearly fainted in the pub and was put in a taxi in order to spend midnight in the comfort of the toilet bowl. We met up with Rich, who we had traveled though South West China with, and went to the only club that might play decent music. The promoter asked if I wanted to go on stage to do the countdown. It wasn't much of an honour seen as this club had a capacity of about 150 but I started babbling to her about the FatDog parties in England to justify being the chosen one
Unfortunately the hideously terrible DJ had decided to choose his own mate and I was sent back to the dance floor as this goon said something along the lines of "5,4,3,2,1, happy new year." Show some enthusiasm you boring twat. I was about to launch into "Alright you fat dogs! 5,4,3,2,1 lets fucking have it Hong Kong...do you want me to mix that tune in DJ because your shit." At least make it memorable, this precise moments only comes round once a year. For the next 3hours it was a pretty standard affair of poorly mixed funky electro crap until out of nowhere some Japanese techno DJ had me and Rich raving on the speakers. By 5am the club was finally going off but Kerry picked this moment to vomit all over herself - hair included - and we had to walk the streets home with her looking like spaghetti Bolognese. There's nothing like a good chunder to see in the new year.
Stupidly hungover the next day we dragged ourselves, along with 70,000 others, to the horse racing. The racecourse was absolutely incredible. It had a 5tiered stand that stretched for 300m along the course, a paddock that accommodated over 10,000 people, and the whole first floor was only for bets made in excess of 70quid. The locals took it very seriously and over 2million pounds were being bet at the course on each race
On our last day in Hong Kong we spent Kerry's winnings on tickets for the JB Group classic tennis event featuring 5 of the worlds top ten women. To be honest i find women's tennis on TV a bit boring. When you watch Wimbledon you can always switch channels and see a 30year old journeyman British wild-card male, ranked 30,570 in the world, enjoy his 56minutes of fame getting whipped by a Macedonian qualifier, and both obscure men seem to hit the ball significantly harder than the worlds number one woman. And Anna Kournikova retired. However, after watching women's tennis live I have a new found respect for their talent and power. It was astonishing how fast they can hit the ball. It was even more astonishing how long Venus Williams legs actually are - they are without doubt longer than the whole of Kerry. We watched 3 matches of absorbing tennis which were amazing apart from during the interval when we found that every food and drink tent was reserved for VIPs and sponsors wearing flash suits and generally looking like complete toffs. Some things will never change.
Anyway, that was Hong Kong, hopefully you also managed to celebrate the New Year with a good vomit.