Letting Go

Trip Start Dec 14, 2007

Trip End Ongoing

Loading Map

Map your own trip!

Map Options

Show trip route

Hide lines

Flag of Brazil Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
Thursday, February 14, 2008

This has been a difficult week for us in Rio, especially for me. My cold (if it's truly that) has come back with a vengeance. Monday night my throat swelled up and I could hardly breathe. My sinuses were clogged and my throat was screaming in pain. I didn't sleep. I thought I would get better but it's gotten worse. Yesterday I called Rob, an ex-pat American we met at the language school who said if we needed anything that we should call him. So I did. I asked him if he knew a good massage therapist that did lymphatic drainage. Low and behold Rob said he had a guy who did and he was coming to his house tonight to give his wife a massage! Coincidence? I believe there are no coincidences. Rob also told me of a clinic I could go to that would help me. So I took a taxi to Leblon, which is located on the other side of Ipanema and walked into Sergio Franco, the clinic Rob told me about. Actually, I came to find out it wasn't a clinic at all. Instead, it was a medical diagnostic center, so unless I wanted x-rays or tests, they would not be able to help me. There were no doctors there. So I wondered around for a hour and waited for Robs call. At 8pm we spoke on the phone and he instructed me to go to his house where his maid and kids would meet me. Once I arrived at his house, his kids welcomed me and got to practice their English. They asked me many questions that kids ask. "Where have you traveled to? Where was your favorite place? Where are you originally from?" They were so cute.
Rob and his wife Ivone showed up and warmly greeted me. Ivone was a beautiful, energetic Brazilian woman. She is also an eye doctor. As we got to talking I told her I was originally from San Diego. Her eyes lit up and she said, "I love San Diego. I want to move there. I have been there four times for conventions".
The massage therapist knocked at the door. "He is so good" she exclaimed. By the way, did I tell you he was blind?" Oh this should be interesting I thought.
Euzebio was his name. He was calm and soft spoken. We chit chatted a bit and I told him what was wrong. I was led to the bedroom where a facial table was set up. I was to keep my clothes on and he would massage my lymph nodes on my face, armpits and chest, then apply reflexology to my feet. Ivone was in the room trying to set up the music and her kid was talking to her. So here I was, on the table, with Euzebio trying to start the massage and 2-3 other people in the room. It was unlike any massage atmosphere I had experienced. Finally, everyone left the room and Euzebio continued.
Long story short, the massage wasn't exactly as I expected and I didn't get much relief, but it was an experience to say the least. Euzebio was so sweet and had great energy and I met some wonderful people. Ivone was also able to write me a prescription for some antibiotics which I greatly appreciated. They were so hospitable and welcomed me into their home. It was an experience to remember.

I have called a doctor Dalia recommended who will make a house call to us tomorrow. I just can't keep going on like this. I've been sick for 3 weeks and I'm tired of it. Jim thinks it's my body's way of resisting stuff that wants to come up. I've noticed many things about myself on this trip. You see there are many things that disturb me about Rio, like the poverty, especially the children. On my block alone there are 3 kids around the age of 10 that are homeless and sleep on the street huddled up in their dirty shirts and have no shoes. They have nothing. My heart cries for them every time I go past. They beg for money when they are awake at night. Dalia says we should only give money to the old and sick. She says the government comes and picks up the children, cleans and feeds them and takes care of them, but they run away back to the street. That it is their choice to be there. It is very hard for me. I am torn between knowing that each soul has a different journey and life experience, whether we judge it good or bad; just an experience and the fact that they are just children and need to be helped.. What would Mother Theresa do? I know what she would do, but am I willing to do the same? I'm no Mother Theresa. Should I just come to the realization that it is the way it is and go on my merry way? This I think is making me sick in combination with other things such as there are so many people here it makes me panic. I've really never spent much time in a big city. I'm a country girl and not knowing the language also makes me panic. The sickness was so bad last night that I was hallucinating. I dreamed that I was trying to talk to people in Portuguese but couldn't express myself and started to panic. Then I'd wake up and it would happen all over again for hours during the night, like a vicious cycle.

O.K., I know many of you reading this are going to think I'm crazy or need to see a shrink, but traveling is an interesting thing. Imagine packing all your stuff away in storage, moving to another country where the culture is completely different and where you don't speak the language. Issues are going to come up and I think I'm being vulnerable enough to share it with all of you who read this. Many of you have done this and I take my hat off to you. I have complete respect for all that have done so such as my friends Marcelle and Nelleke who come to mind. Coming from San Diego we had many Spanish speaking people around who didn't speak English. I was not patient. Now the tables have turned and I get to experience what they did. Wow! It's very humbling. I know the next time I meet someone who doesn't speak my language I will be gentler, patient and more compassionate.

As I explain all this with Jim at lunch I decide to just "let go" and know that all is perfect in the grand scheme of things. The universe is perfect in an imperfect world and what I'm going through is perfect .I finally feel the resistance leaving my body, grounding it out. Jim looks at me and says "I felt you release that. Good job! Now, instead of trying to heal others, heal yourself". So that is what I am doing now. Healing and loving myself.