Cebu Waterfront Casino
Trip Start Oct 01, 2011
217Trip End May 05, 2012
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As I write this I'm fairly certain I'm still drunk. Charlotte just asked if I wanted a can of water and I couldn't remember how to say good morning. Yeah I'm fairly certain I'm still drunk. This entry will be written with a proper tense for once instead of flipping between about 7 different ones.
Most of the day is not even remotely interesting, it could be argued that that's the case most days. Fuck you.
We left *generic grey town* at 10am. The port was the least policed port I've ever seen. The boat is another roll on roll off vehicle ferry. It's dreadful. We have a bunk bed, for a 4 hour journey? Instead of lying on a bed we sit outside on plastic garden chairs that are nailed to the ground. If I could walk on water I could gently jog and I would be faster than this ferry. A 30min journey is strung out to just under 4 hours.
We arrive, the weather is grey. There is no port authority. You just walk off the boat and are in Cebu. Cebu is the countries second biggest city. As beautiful as the Philippines are the cities are pretty much awful places with only a tiny exception of small areas of Manila and Dumaguete.
We have to walk through industrial land to get to the road. I'd say this place is the poorest place I've ever been. To our left there is a huge rusty shanty town, there are children beating a rolled up metal rod. For fun I assume. The area we are in is called Colon. Everywhere in the world should follow this naming convention. Moss Side in Manchester would become 'Anus' etc.
We eventually hail a taxi to take us to uptown Cebu. We have no idea where we want to stay and end up in an ok looking area of the city wandering the streets. A friendly student helps us out and points us to the Shamrock. It's way overpriced and has no internet but it's an ok room and the area we are in is preferable to anywhere else.
We wander around after this before I need a nap cos I don't feel so good. I wake up at 6:50pm and Charlotte has been out to get Boracay. We nail the whole bottle in about 1h30 and then head out. We start with tea at Greenwich pizza place, the pizza is ok, I don't feel too dreadful after eating it which is a start. Across the road is mango square which is where there are a number of bars, karaoke lounges, clubs etc. A club isn't happening but we are open to karaoke given we are both relatively drunk.
We opt for an outdoor bar that has its seats in a parking lot. We order a pitcher of strawberry margarita. It comes and instead of a jug and glasses he has brought a plastic flask and shot glasses. We get proper glasses and drink it relatively fast. This puts us back on the drunk map.
The area we are in no longer appeals so we decide to go to the Waterfront hotel and casino. A taxi takes us there. The building looks like a posh castle. The casino is actually pretty damn nice as well, it's old western themed with fake buildings around the outside and things, sort of like new york new york.
I survey the landscape and we go get a beer, I'm annoyed that once again the casino doesn't appear to promote drinking, no one is drinking, the hostesses don't appear to be bringing out alcohol. Instead we have to go to the restaurant and buy our own San Mig, they are the most expensive we have seen at over £1.60, double what most places charge. Fuck it.
I get called jesus, this has happened too many times today. I eventually find a slot machine that takes small notes and proceed to put in 300php. Within 20min 300php has turned into 2500php. A crowd has formed around me, people are willing me on, whooping everytime I push a button, women in cocktail dresses are blowing on my hand, a guy offers me 1 million pesos to sleep with Charlotte, I agree even though it's only 16k. None of that is true although the picture amused last night when I thought about people being so poor they celebrated someone winning £40 on a bandit. In reality we were watched by a weird old man who kept gegging in to say how lucky I was, he was intending on leeching but I bled the machine dry so he left. They refilled it and we left knowing that whatever I spent at the tables was free money.
They have loads of weird games. Ones where you drop balls into a funnel and guess the numbers. One of the croupiers tries to attract me to his dice game. I don't understand it, we get chatting to a Korean called Warren. I win on my first dice bounce but I only double my pesos, not interested in winning small amounts. We go to the bar with Warren and drunkly chat to him about all sorts of stuff. We are on probably our 4th beer so I'm flagging. I need to get back to the table.
The tables have cleared a little now so me and Warren get some colour and set up shop. The casino is so relaxed, they have no one watching the dealers and one dealer is telling me what numbers to go for, he is wrong everytime. Luckily for me I'm not wrong and soon 2000php becomes 4000php. This is the greatest winning streak of my life. I buy some weird guy a drink and start giving him chips because he picked a right number for me. I'm out of my tits, we have had about 8 beers. Charlotte is pretending to pray and crouching on the ground so that I win, she has just got a chorus of umm bop by Hanson going in the restaurant she claims. She is also eating any food she finds.
I leave the table after a bad run but still up 3500php. The weird guy wants to be friends, he literally says "we are friends now" and starts babbling on about coming back tomorrow and taking us to some island, Charlotte feigns enthusiasm, I concentrate on staying upright. It's 4am. I take 500php and put it in a slot machine. The guy is hanging around, I turn 500 to 700 and we finally leave.
McDonalds are serving breakfast, I can't fathom this or why the people are saying good morning to me. We walk across the road, I get my picture with a tramp and try to feed a cardboard cut out. We fall asleep at just after 5am.