The Amazing Race
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Lots of really gross stuff has happened in London over the years. We spent 5 days running around trying to find out as much grossness as we could. To start us off we visited the London Dungeon. Hear we learned many gruesome tales.
Sweeney Tood, the hairdresser that took a bit too much off the top. The story goes that he had a trap door that dropped his customer/victim to a cellar below his barber shop. Here he chopped people to bits. His girlfriend then got rid of the evidence by putting the bits into her meat pies, selling them to unsuspecting customers
Jack the Ripper, ripped the guts out of the 5 women he killed. He left a note to say he ate half a kidney from one of his victims. He was never caught.
In the torture chamber, we were given demonstrations of how torture was administered. One instrument was for pulling out a victims tongue, one for hooking victims up on the wall (of cause the hook could be stuck in various orifices) and another for castration. The later could be purchased from the gift shop. It came in small, medium and liar sizes.
In 1666 London burned like rotten sticks. The fire started at a bakers shop. Five days later more than 80% of London had been destroyed and it took 50 years to rebuild.
Prior to the fires, London had been gripped by a deadly plague. Thousands of people were dying every week (hence the Monty Python saying “bring out your dead, bring out your dead” and they certainly did) and they were carried away each night to be buried in mass graves
As the city grew, the Thames River got dirtier. All sorts of rubbish, pollution and raw sewage were dumped into it. The water in your tap came straight out the the same river. People had to start drinking and bathing in beer. At one point the smell from the river caused a national outcry.
There were lots of rides and theatrics throughout the London Dungeon exhibit. Brandi-Chanel was trialled at court for weeing in wells on Wednesdays. She was found guilty and sentenced to the firing squad. She got off with it though cause she was just a kid.
We went on a 5D laser ride, as we spun around in the darkness, we had to duck, dive, dodge and shoot our way out
If all this wasn’t gory, disgusting and scary enough, all four of us were sent off to witness a hanging - our own. In the dark we were taken to hear our fait - then whoop - down we went - an absolutely terrifying, scream curdling experience.
Horrible Histories was playing live on stage at the Garrick Theatre. We got tickets and were entertained to a musical satire of Barmy Britain.
The Romans when they arrived gave the English a MasterChef class. One of the new culinary dishes - the innards and gizzards of fish, placed in a jar, add herbs and let to putrefy for three months and then eat. Aaaggghhh!!
We knew Henry VIII had several wives that he did mean things to, but we learned how to remember what happened to each of them - divorced, beheaded, died, divorced, beheaded, survived.
During WWI more soldiers died in hospital than they did on battlefields. Florence Nightingale (the Lady with the Lamp) came along and improved the mortality rate by 90%
The Brits loved a good old hanging and there was lots of stuff that you could be hanged for. Like stealing from a rabbit warren, impersonating a Chelsea pensioner, having your face blackened or wearing a false mustache. Ooooo-er!
During Medieval Britain, people were so poor they might sell their baby to a baby farmer for five pounds. One women had been happily collecting the dosh for 20 years before she was found to have been throwing them in the river.
Guy Falks and his cronies were going to blow up parliament and had the gun powder to do it. In fact, they had enough gun powder to blow up equivalent to 25 parliaments. He got caught before it happened, but he’s still famous today for having tried.
Richi, Mila, Widuri, Hanif and Suhaylah dropped into London for the weekend which was brilliant. They took us to the British Museum which was mind blowingly fabulous and huge. We spent a few hours in the Egyptian wing
We followed on the trail of the 60’s and 70’s rock n rollers. The markie clubs was where the bands would perform. They were not allowed to promote themselves however, so patrons would pay to enter a club and it could be anyone ... Jimmi Hendrix, Van Morrison, Elton John, Eric Clapton, AC-DC, the Rolling Stones ... One of the clubs had to be demolished because the vibrations from 20 years of music had made it unstable. YES - we walked on the zebra crossing on Abbey Road and had our photo taken to prove it!!
The essential London sites were viewed:-
- Trafalgar Square
- Tower of London
- St Paul’s Cathedral
- Westminster Abbey
- Big Ben
- Thames River Cruise
- Shakespeare’s Globe
- Buckingham Palace
and Kensington Palace, which was opened to the public
We went to Harrod’s - cause Fletch told us to (and to buy hair ties). We looked at a wallet - it was 525 pounds. Brandi-Chanel said, “If a wallet is 525 pounds, I don’t think we’ll be buying hair ties.” We bought lunch instead - 3 sandwiches, 1 cup of soup and 3 pieces of cake - A$50. It did get packaged in Harrod’s bags though which we planned to keep, only we spilt the soup on the bags so threw them in the bin.
That concluded our amazing race!!! Aaaaaaah!!!
PS We came in on budget.